Junie B., First Grader: Toothless Wonder Read online

  After that, he took an aspirin. Plus also, he ate two Tums.

  I kept on rinsing and spitting.

  Then finally, my spit water turned regular.

  “Whew,” I said. “That was a close one. I was almost out of blood.”

  Grampa bent down next to me and smiled. “Well, let's have a look,” he said.

  I opened my mouth for him.

  He looked in and did a chuckle.

  Then he lifted me up to the mirror so I could see, too.

  I quick closed my mouth again. ’Cause I was nervous to see myself, of course.

  My tongue felt my tooth hole. It felt very roomy in there.

  “Well?” said Grampa Miller. “Aren't you going to look, honey? It looks cute, Junie B. It really does.”

  My heart pounded and pounded.

  Then—fast as a wink—I opened my lips. And I did a little peek at my mouth.

  I quick closed my eyes again.

  ’Cause what do you know?

  A freako.

  “Put me down, Grampa,” I said. “Put me down right now. I don't want to look at myself again. I don't, I don't, I don't.”

  Grampa Miller put me down.

  Just then, my nose started to sniffle very much. And my eyes got tears in them.

  “I hate me,” I said. “I hate the way I look.”

  Grampa blew my nose on toilet paper.

  “I'm never going to look at myself again,” I said. “Not ever, ever, never! And I mean it.”

  Grampa bent down next to me again.

  “I want you to listen to me, little girl,” he said. “I would never lie to you, Junie B. You look every bit as cute without your tooth as you did with it.”

  He gave me a hug. “Your new smile is wonderful,” he said. “You didn't even give it a chance, honey. You really need to look at it again. Honest you do.”

  He ruffled my hair. “Do it for me, okay? Just give yourself one more chance.”

  I rocked back and forth on my feet very slow. ’Cause I needed to think this over, that's why.

  Finally, I did a big breath. “Oh, okay, Grampa,” I said. “If you really want to lift me up there again, I guess I will let you. But I'm only doing this to be nice.”

  Grampa Miller patted my head. “You're very kind,” he said.

  After that, he lifted me back up to the mirror.

  Very slow, I opened my mouth again. And I peeked at my new tooth hole.

  “Try smiling,” said my grampa. “You'll love your new smile. I know you will.”

  I did a nervous breath. Then I smiled at myself kind of shy.

  “See?” said Grampa Miller. “See how cute it looks?”

  I didn't answer him. Instead, I made another face at myself. And then another one. And another one.

  Pretty soon, I tried every face in the book.

  Finally, Grampa winked at me.

  “So what do you think, little girl?” he said. “Hmm? How do you think you look?”

  I smiled kind of shy again.

  “I think I look fascinating, Frank,” I said.

  Grampa Miller put me back on the floor.

  Then he went to the kitchen. And he got a stool. And he brought it back to the bathroom.

  He helped me up to the top step.

  I stared at myself till Mother came home.

  That night we had festivities.

  Festivities is when my grampa and grandma come over. And all of us eat cake.

  Grandma Helen Miller made the cake herself. She put a big smiley face on the top. Only that is not all. ’Cause the smiley face had a tooth missing! Just like me!

  I laughed and laughed at that silly thing. Then I reached in my pocket. And I got my tooth. And I passed it all around the table.

  “Oh, that's a beaut, Junie B.,” said Grandma Miller.

  “I know it, Grandma. I know it is a beaut,” I said real proud. “I can't wait to take it to school for Show-and-Tell. The children are going to love this thing.”

  Daddy looked strange at me.

  “Oh, gee … I don't know, honey,” he said. “I'm not really sure you should take your tooth to school.”

  Mother shook her head.

  “No, Junie B. That's definitely not a good idea,” she said. “And besides, you won't even have your tooth on Monday, remember? You have to leave it for the tooth fairy tonight.”

  Just then, my skin got chill bumps again. And the flutterflies came back in my stomach.

  ’Cause I know stuff about the fairy, that's why.

  My voice felt kind of shaky.

  “Yeah, only what if I don't want to leave my tooth for the fairy, Mother?” I said. “What if I just want to take it to Show-and-Tell, and that's all?”

  Mother shook her head again. “No, Junie B. No Show-and-Tell,” she said. “Taking a tooth to Show-and-Tell is just… well, it's just—”

  “Disgusting,” said Daddy.

  “Yes,” said Mother. “Disgusting.”

  I whined at those two. “No, it isn't,” I said. “Lots of kids bring teeth to school. ’Cause one time Roger brought a shark's tooth. And he even let me and Herb put it right in our mouths. And then we looked like sharks, too.”

  I thought some more.

  “Plus another time, Shirley brought her grandmother's dentures. And lots of us put those in our mouths, too.”

  Grandma Miller did a little gag. Only I don't actually know why.

  My grampa patted her hand. “Just be glad she doesn't want to take the spit cup,” he whispered.

  Just then, my whole face lighted up. ’Cause I have ears like a hawk, of course!

  “The spit cup! The spit cup! I will take the spit cup!” I hollered.

  I jumped down from my chair. And I zoomed to the bathroom.

  Then I got the spit cup out of the trash. And I dusted it off real good.

  “Good news, people!” I shouted real loud. “There's still some blood around the edges!”

  I quick ran back to show them.

  Grandma Miller closed her eyes at that sight.

  Then Mother put her head on the table and hid her face in her arms.

  The festivities were over, I believe.

  After Grandma and Grampa Miller left, Mother took me into the bathroom. And we brushed my teeth real careful.

  Then I took my loose tooth out of my pocket. And I brushed that guy, too.

  I held it up to the light. “Look,” I said. “Look how shiny I made it. I really wish I could take this tooth to school, Mother. I really, really wish that with all my might.”

  Mother gave me a hug. “I know you do, Junie B.,” she said. “But it's still going to be fun to put it under your pillow tonight, isn't it?”

  She smiled. “I remember when I was a little girl. I couldn't wait to wake up in the morning and find out how much money the tooth fairy had left me.”

  My skin got prickly at that name again.

  Also, sweaty came on my head.

  I thought and thought about what to do.

  Then finally, I stood on my tiptoes. And I whispered in Mother's ear.

  “Yeah, only I know stuff about the fairy, Mother,” I said. “I know the truth.'”

  Mother looked shocked at me.

  “The truth?” she said. “You know the truth?”

  “Yes,” I whispered again. “I know the exact truth, Mother. ’Cause last year Paulie Allen Puffer told me the whole entire story.”

  I took another big breath. Then I cupped my hands around her ear. And I talked even quieter.

  “The fairy isn't real,” I said. “The tooth fairy is just pretend”

  Mother's eyes got big and wide at me.

  “No!” she said.

  “Yes,” I whispered back. “Paulie Allen learned it from his big brother. The tooth fairy isn't a fairy at all. She's actually a teensy little tooth witch.”

  Mother's mouth came all the way open. “A tooth witch?”

  “Shh!” I said. “We have to talk soft, Mother. If the tooth witch hea
rs anyone telling her secret, she flies into their room at night. And she pinches their cheeks.”

  Mother covered her face with her hands.

  She was in shock, I believe.

  “Paulie Allen's brother even saw the tooth witch,” I said. “’Cause one night he put a tooth under his pillow. And then he stayed awake all night. And he saw the tooth witch fly into his room on a teensy little toothbrush.”

  “Oh, my,” said Mother.

  “I know it is oh, my,” I said. “And that is not even the worstest part. ’Cause the witch walked right under his pillow. And she carried out his tooth. And then she chomped a big bite out of it. Just like it was a little tooth apple.”

  Mother made a noise behind her hands.

  I patted her very nice. “I know how you feel,” I said. “This is very hard to hear.”

  Finally, Mother took her hands away.

  “But it doesn't really make sense, Junie B.,” she said. “I mean, why would a mean little witch leave money under the pillow? A witch would never do something that nice, would she?”

  I rolled my eyes way up to the ceiling. ’Cause sometimes I have to explain everything to that woman.

  “Of course she would, Mother. Don't you get it? The witch leaves money so that children think she's really a fairy. ’Cause if children don't think there's a fairy, they won't leave their teeth. Right? And if they don't leave their teeth, the witch won't get any tooth apples.”

  Mother closed her eyes very tight.

  Then, all of a sudden, she opened up the bathroom door.

  And she ran right out of the room.

  She was taking it harder than I thought.

  That night, Daddy tucked me into bed.

  He said that Paulie Allen Puffer's brother is full of soup.

  “There's no such thing as a tooth witch, Junie B.,” he said. “I promise you there isn't. Paulie Allen Puffer's brother just made that up to scare Paulie Allen. And then Paulie Allen said it to scare you, too.”

  I shook my head. “No, Daddy. No. It's not made up. I know it isn't. ’Cause the tooth witch makes sense, that's why,” I said. “She makes way more sense than a fairy.”

  Daddy raised his eyebrows.

  “Why?” he asked. “Why does a witch make more sense than a fairy?”

  “Because,” I said. “Because the tooth witch likes to chomp the teeth. But the tooth fairy doesn't do anything with the teeth at all, right? And so why would she even pay money for them?”

  Daddy did a little frown.

  “Well, I don't know, exactly,” he said. “But I'm sure that she must do something with the teeth, Junie B. There are other things to do with teeth besides just chomping them, you know.”

  “Like what?” I asked.

  Daddy put his head in his hands. Then he thought and thought and thought.

  After he got done thinking, he went to get Mother.

  She came into my room carrying fussy Ollie.

  She handed him to Daddy and sat down on my bed.

  “Daddy said you have another problem about the tooth fairy,” she said.

  I nodded.

  “Yes,” I said. “’Cause if there's really a fairy, then she has to have a reason to want the teeth. Right, Mother? She wouldn't just throw them in the garbage. ’Cause that doesn't make any sense. Plus also, it would hurt my feelings.”

  Mother hugged me.

  “No, Junie B. Of course she doesn't throw them in the garbage,” she said. “I'm sure the fairy does something very special with the teeth.”

  “Like what?” I said.

  Mother ran her tired fingers through her hair. She stood up and walked back and forth on my rug.

  Then, all of a sudden, her face got brighter.

  “I know. I bet the fairy uses the teeth to make jewelry,” she said.

  At first, Daddy and I didn't say any words. We just stared and stared at that woman.

  “Jewelry?” I said finally.

  Mother smiled. “Yes, of course,” she said. “She probably uses the teeth to make little tooth necklaces and bracelets and cute little toe rings. How does that sound?”

  I made a sick face.

  “It sounds repulsive,” said Daddy.

  Mother stopped smiling.

  She quick took Ollie back from Daddy. And she hurried out of my room.

  After she left, Daddy finished tucking me in bed.

  “I'm sorry about that, Junie B.,” he said. “I'm afraid Ollie has your mother worn to a frazzle these days. But I'm sure she's not right about that jewelry thing.”

  He did a little shiver.

  “No. Certainly she's not,” he said.

  Then—before I could ask any more questions about the fairy—he kissed me good night. And he rushed out of my room as fast as Mother.

  That night, I did not put my tooth under my pillow.

  Also, I did not put it under there the night after that. Or the night after that.

  Because what do you know …

  The fairy still did not make sense.

  The next morning was school.

  I put my spit cup into my backpack. And I took it to my bus stop. ’Cause Mother said I couldn't take my tooth. But the spit cup was Grampa's idea.

  I saved Herb a seat. Then I bounced up and down real excited. ’Cause I couldn't wait for him to see me, of course!

  Finally, we got to his bus stop.

  I waved to him from the window.

  Then, ha! I leaned my face real close to the glass. And I smiled my biggest smile!

  Herb's eyeballs popped out of his head!

  He ran on the bus zippedy quick.

  “It came out, Herb! It came out!” I said. “My tooth came out on Friday! And it's been out ever since!”

  I smiled for him again.

  “See me, Herb? See how I look? I look fascinating, right? I don't look like Uncle Lou, hardly.”

  Herb's eyeballs kept popping out at me.

  “Whoa!” he said. “Wow!”

  I laughed at that nice comment.

  I smiled and pointed.

  “See my tooth hole, Herb? Huh? I look cute, right? I don't even look like Uncle Lou! Correct?”

  Herb said Wow again.

  After that, I quick got my backpack. And I unzipped the zipper.

  “Yeah, only wait till you see this, Herbert!” I said. “I brought something special for you to see!”

  After that, I pulled out the cup. And I put it right on his lap.

  “Ta-daaa! It's my spit cup, Herb! I used this cup to rinse my actual spit!”

  I showed him the edges. “See the pink color right there? That pink is from the bleeding.”

  Herbert's face did not look delighted.

  “Okay. Thank you,” he said. “Please get it off of me now.”

  I got it off.

  “But I thought you would like this,” I said very disappointed.

  Herb patted me. “Live and learn,” he said.

  Pretty soon, his face got normal again.

  “So how much money did you get from the fairy, Junie B.?” he asked. “Did you get a lot of cash?”

  My stomach did a flip-flop at that question.

  ’Cause I didn't want to discuss that matter, of course.

  I squirmed in my seat kind of worried. Then I looked out the window. And I didn't talk.

  Herb tapped on me.

  “What's wrong, Junie B.?” he said. “How come you're not answering me? The fairy did come, right? She didn't forget you, did she?”

  I looked all around. Then I scooted next to him very close. And I quieted my voice to a whisper.

  “Yeah, only I can't even discuss that matter, Herb,” I said. “’Cause I know stuff about that fairy.”

  “Stuff? What kind of stuff?” he asked.

  I whispered even softer.

  “Sorry,” I said. “But I have to keep it a secret. And so please don't ask me any more questions. And I mean it.”

  After that, I pretended to lock my lips. And I threw
away the key.

  I saw that on TV once.

  Herb looked annoyed at me.

  I unlocked my lips again.

  “Don't be mad at me,” I said. “I can't help what I know, Herb. And anyway, all you have to do is think about it. ’Cause the fairy doesn't make sense.”

  Herb scratched his head. “What do you mean she doesn't make sense? Why doesn't she?”

  I crossed my arms.

  “Because what does the fairy do with the teeth, Herbert? Huh? Did you ever ask yourself that problem? Why would a fairy pay money for teeth when she doesn't even use them? It sounds kind of fishy, don't you think?”

  Herb just stared at me.

  “Well?” I said. “Do you know the answer, Herb? A fairy wouldn't just throw the teeth in the garbage, would she? ’Cause that doesn't even add up. Only nobody knows what she does with them, apparently. Not even you, I bet.”

  Herb wrinkled his eyebrows.

  “I never thought about it,” he said.

  He tapped on his chin. “What does the fairy do with the teeth? Hmm … that's a stumper, all right.”

  After that, he slid way down in his seat. And he thought and thought some more.

  I thought some more, too.

  We rode to school real quiet.

  When we finally got to school, I started feeling shaky inside.

  ’Cause I didn't want to get laughed at, remember? Plus I was still concerned about the fruit throwing.

  I closed my mouth real tight. And I walked back to my desk.

  Lennie smiled and waved at me.

  I waved back. Then, very slow, I did a shy smile.

  That's when Lennie jumped up from his desk. And he did a loud whoop!

  “Cool!” he said. “You look cool, Junie B.!”

  José heard Lennie and came to see. Then he grinned and grinned at my brand-new smile. And he gave me a happy high five.

  And that is not even the best part!

  Because Mr. Scary saw what was going on. And he came all the way to my desk to see my tooth. And he gave me a smiley-face sticker!

  After that, he clapped his hands together. And he made a ’nouncement to Room One.

  He told them I lost my tooth. And he asked me to stand up and show them my special new smile.

  I swallowed real nervous.