Turkeys We Have Loved and Eaten Read online

  Sometimes he enjoys me, I believe.

  Pretty soon, he stood up at his desk. And he clapped his loud hands together.

  “Okay, boys and girls. It’s time to get started with our very special day of Show-and-Tell!” he said. “Please put your journals away and arrange your chairs in a circle.”

  We slammed our journals shut.

  SLAM! SLAM! BAM! SLAM! BAM! SLAM! SLAM! BAM!

  Mr. Scary sucked in his cheeks at us.

  We quick opened our journals again. And we shut them very quiet.

  After that, we put our chairs in a circle. And we got ready for a whole entire day of Show-and-Tell.

  “Woo-hoo!” I said to Herbert. “This is a dream come true! A whole entire day with no learning!”

  Herb laughed and clapped. “I wish every day had no learning,” he said.

  “Me too!” I said. “If every day had no learning, school would be a lot more popular.”

  May butted in to our conversation.

  “Well, I am thankful for learning,” she said. “There is nothing I like better than learning … learning … learning.”

  After that, she started skipping around her chair.

  I did a glare at her.

  “Here is a suggestion,” I said. “Why don’t you skip on home?”

  May stuck out her tongue at me.

  There was no need for that, I believe.

  Just then, Mr. Scary clapped his hands again. “Okay, everyone. Make sure you have your Thankful Bags at your chairs … and please take a seat.”

  All of us got our bags and sat down.

  “Good job,” he said. “It looks like we’re ready to begin. I can’t wait to see what kind of wonderful things you’re thankful for.”

  He pointed to Roger.

  “Roger, would you like to start us off?” he said.

  Roger’s face looked sickish. “Why?” he said. “Why me? I didn’t even raise my hand.”

  Mr. Scary smiled. “I know you didn’t, Roger,” he said. “I just thought you might like to start us off, that’s all.”

  Roger did a gulp. “Oh,” he said. “Well … um … I wouldn’t.”

  Mr. Scary stopped smiling.

  “Okay. It wasn’t really a question, Roger,” he explained. “I would like you to go first.”

  Roger’s face got sweaty on it.

  He just kept sitting there.

  Mr. Scary crossed his arms at him. “Roger?” he said. “We’re waiting.”

  Finally, Roger did a big deep breath.

  Then he stood up real slow. And he picked up his Thankful Bag.

  It looked emptyish.

  “Um … well, uh … mostly, I’m just thankful for this Thankful Bag,” he said.

  He held it out in front of him. And he gave it a little shake.

  “I don’t know why I like this bag so much. But I’m just really, really thankful for it,” he said.

  He did a pause.

  “The end,” he said.

  Then he quick sat back down.

  Mr. Scary frowned. “Really, Roger? Seriously?” he said. “In your whole life, you’re only thankful for the plastic bag I gave you yesterday? That’s it?”

  Roger stood up again.

  “Uh, well, no. I mean, I’m thankful for other stuff, too,” he said.

  Mr. Scary raised his eyebrows. “Like?”

  Roger’s face got stress in it. “Like … like …”

  He quick looked all around himself. Then all of a sudden, he stretched out the bottom of his T-shirt.

  “Like this T-shirt I am wearing,” he said. “I am very, very thankful for this T-shirt.”

  Roger’s face got sweatier.

  “This T-shirt is … um …”

  He looked at it harder.

  “… white,” he said finally.

  Mr. Scary nodded real slow. “Yes,” he said. “We can see that, Roger.”

  Roger kept stretching his shirt.

  Then he turned up the bottom. And he read us the tag.

  “Machine-wash, warm. Lay flat to dry,” he read.

  After that, he stretched out the back of the neck. And he read us that tag, too.

  “Boys’ size six to eight,” he read.

  “Made … in …”

  Mr. Scary quick held up his hand.

  “That’s enough, Roger,” he said very sternish.

  Roger kept on standing there.

  “… Honduras,” he said.

  Mr. Scary snapped his loud fingers.

  Roger sat down.

  Show-and-Tell was not off to a good start.

  4

  Diving

  Mr. Scary stared at Roger a real long time.

  He said they would talk about this later.

  Talk about this later is the school word for getting yelled at when there’s more time.

  Roger slumped way down in his seat.

  After that, Mr. Scary looked back at the class.

  “Okay, everyone. We’re going to continue now,” he said. “But this time, please raise your hand if you actually brought something to show.”

  Lucille sprang out of her chair.

  “I DID! I DID!” she hollered. “I BROUGHT THE BEST THING YOU EVER SAW!”

  Then she reached down. And she pulled a big, giant purse out of her Thankful Bag.

  “Wait till you see this, children!” she said. “I brought something that everyone in the whole world is thankful for! And I have LOTS and LOTS of it!”

  After that, she turned the big, giant purse upside down.

  And wowie wow wow!

  Out came …

  “MONEY!” shouted Lucille. “MONEY! MONEY! MONEY! I AM THANKFUL FOR MONEY!”

  Room One did a gasp at that sight.

  Then all of our mouths fell open at once.

  And our eyes got bigger and bigger.

  And then … BAM!

  WE DIVED FOR IT!

  “MONEY!” we hollered. “MONEY! MONEY! MONEY!”

  I started to grab.

  “AND IT’S THE PAPER KIND!” I yelled.

  Lucille laughed real happy.

  Then she turned her Thankful Bag inside out. And more money fell out on top of us!

  “WHEE! WOOO-HOOO! YIPPEE!” we hollered.

  Mr. Scary was hollering, too, I think. But it is hard to hear your teacher when you are money-diving.

  Finally, he raised his voice to a louder level.

  It was the level that means business.

  “GO BACK TO YOUR SEATS!” he hollered. “NOW!”

  Everyone stopped grabbing. And they hurried back to their seats speedy fast.

  Except for not actually me.

  Instead, I kept on sitting on the floor. ’Cause I had a teensy problem.

  Mr. Scary glared his eyes at me.

  “Junie B. Jones? Did you hear me? I said, go back to your seat.”

  I nodded real nervous.

  “Yes,” I said. “Only I have a teensy problem.”

  I pointed at his shoe. “You’re actually standing on a fiver. And so if you could just lift up this one shoe right here, I can get my money and be on my way.”

  I tapped on the foot he should lift.

  Then I waited and waited for it to move.

  But it did not actually budge.

  Instead … YIKES!

  I felt myself getting lifted off the floor!

  And I got carried right back to my seat!

  Mr. Scary sat me in my chair.

  I smiled real twitchy. And I smoothed my skirt.

  “Okey-doke,” I said. “I believe I will just sit here now and behave myself.”

  Mr. Scary kept on standing there.

  I waved my fingers at him.

  “All rightie, then. Have a good day,” I said.

  He took some deep breaths.

  Deep breaths are what teachers do to keep from screaming.

  Room One stayed quiet as a mouse.

  I could hear Mr. Scary’s nose whistle. But now was not the time to t
ell him he needed a tissue, probably.

  Finally, he finished breathing.

  Then he picked up Lucille’s big, giant purse. And he went around the circle. And he made all of us put her money back.

  Sheldon hung his head.

  “I’m sorry,” he said. “Free money makes me cuckoo.”

  Herb nodded. “Me too,” he said. “Especially the paper kind. At my house, I don’t even get an allowance.”

  “Me neither,” said Roger. “My parents expect me to live at home for free.”

  Lennie rolled his eyes. “Oh. Well, I get a whopping quarter for taking out the trash. Seriously. That’s it. One quarter.”

  He threw his hands in the air. “I mean, why even bother?”

  Mr. Scary snapped his fingers.

  That means knock it off.

  After that, all of us stayed quiet while Mr. Scary went to the board.

  He stood there very thinking.

  Then finally, he picked up the chalk. And he added MONEY to our Thankful List.

  After he finished, he took Lucille by the hand. And he walked her to the door.

  “Boys and girls, Lucille and I are going to take her money to the office for safekeeping,” he said. “But while we are gone, I want you all to stay in your seats. And I want you to think very, very hard about what just happened here.”

  He narrowed his eyes at us.

  “I think we all know that Lucille’s family is wealthy. And we are all very happy for her. But there are lots of other things to be thankful for besides money. Right, Lucille?” he said.

  “Right,” she said back.

  She shook her head around in the air. “I am also thankful for my shiny, gleaming hair.”

  Then she kept on shaking it and shaking it until Mr. Scary said, “Please stop.”

  He looked at her. “Believe it or not, Lucille, there are plenty of people who don’t have money or shiny hair. But they are still very happy.”

  Lucille fluffed herself.

  “That’s just nuts,” she said.

  Mr. Scary pulled her out the door.

  5

  Talking It Over

  I did what Mr. Scary said.

  I stayed in my seat.

  And I thought very hard about what just happened here.

  First, I tapped on my chin.

  Then I scratched my head. And I strained and strained my brain.

  But nothing actually came to me.

  Finally, I tapped on Herbert.

  “Okay. I give up. What just happened here?” I asked. “Why is Mr. Scary so mad at us?”

  Herb did a shrug.

  “I’m not really sure,” he said. “We dived in a pile of money. Who wouldn’t do that?”

  May jumped up and pointed to herself.

  “I wouldn’t, that’s who!” she said. “I did not dive in the money pile. Instead, I walked around the edges with dignity. And I picked up whatever money squeezed out.”

  Herb looked curious at her.

  “How much money squeezed out?”

  May stood there a minute.

  “None,” she said.

  “Exactly,” said Herb.

  May sat back down.

  Herb looked at the board and sighed.

  “I have a feeling that Mr. Scary really hates our Thankful List.”

  May threw her head back.

  “Of course he hates our Thankful List!” she said. “Just look how stupid it is!”

  She hurried to the board.

  And she read each item out loud.

  1. CRANBERRY JELLY IN A CAN

  2. EXPLODING BISCUITS

  3. NIPSY DOODLES

  4. RAINBOW SPRINKLES

  5. TOILET PAPER

  6. MONEY

  I scratched my head again.

  “I don’t see the problem,” I said. “I think we have a nice little assortment there.”

  May stamped her foot.

  “It’s stupid, Junie Jones! Stupid, stupid, stupid!” she said. “Who in the world is thankful for toilet paper?”

  Sheldon raised his hand.

  “I am!” he said. “My grampa Ned Potts says that toilet paper was one of the greatest inventions in history. Especially after they put that little cardboard rollie thing inside.”

  I nodded. “Yes,” I said. “That cardboard rollie thing is a genius. If you put some string through it, it makes a lovely necklace for Mother’s Day.”

  José jumped up. “PLUS, if you have two of them, you can make binoculars!” he said.

  “I make binoculars and spy on my sister. And they really, really work!”

  May did a huffy breath at us.

  “Well, I don’t care what you guys say. My mother, Mrs. Mary Murkee, says our list from yesterday is ridiculous. She says children are never thankful for the right stuff. And so that’s how come she started a brand-new Thankful List for us.”

  She reached in her pocket and pulled out the list. “My mother says if we use this list, we will win the contest for sure.”

  She unfolded it. “Who wants to hear it? Who wants to hear the brand-new list my mother started?”

  No one raised their hand.

  May read it anyway.

  OUR THANKFUL LIST

  BY ROOM ONE

  NUMBER 1:

  Room One is thankful for our mothers, who cover us in blankets of warm, fuzzy love and make our hearts overflow with joy bubbles.

  NUMBER 2:

  Room One is thankful for the happy sound of our mothers’ laughter as it tinkles through the air and melts like musical snow crystals in our ears.

  NUMBER 3:

  Room One is thankful for May.

  The End.

  May looked up and grinned.

  “I added that last one myself. But I think it fits right in,” she said.

  She folded her list up again. And she skipped back to her seat.

  At first, Room One did not say any words. We just stared at each other with curious eyes.

  Then finally, Lennie spoke up.

  “I think we should stick with the Nipsy Doodles,” he said.

  All of the children got relief in our faces.

  “Yes, yes! Me too! Me too!” we said.

  May’s face looked angry at us.

  She stomped her foot again.

  “I knew this would happen! I told Mother you people wouldn’t listen!”

  She covered her head with her sweater.

  All of us ignored her.

  We looked at the board some more.

  Then, all of a sudden, Shirley clapped her hands together.

  “Hey! Wait! I’ve got an idea! Let’s put something on the list that every grown-up likes! That way Mr. Scary will be happier with us. And maybe we’ll get more votes from the grown-up judges!”

  I thought for a second.

  “Yeah, but what does every grown-up like, Shirley?” I asked. “I don’t even have a clue.”

  Shirley thought for a second, too. Then she sprang right up.

  “I got it! It just came to me! NATURE!” she said. “Every grown-up loves nature! They love flowers and trees and mountains and oceans and other junk like that.”

  She clapped her hands. “Plus every grown-up I know loves cute little forest animals,” she said. “Let’s put that one on the board! Let’s put cute little forest animals!”

  She ran to get the chalk.

  Sheldon quick stood up.

  “No, Shirley. Wait!” he called. “My aunt Bunny is a grown-up. But she doesn’t love forest animals. Last summer, she had a run-in with a raccoon. It jumped on her head. And then it just sat there like a hat.”

  He did a shiver. “For a very long time, I mean,” he said.

  Herb nodded. “My mother doesn’t like forest animals, either,” he said. “Last year, we went to the state park. And a squirrel spit on her when she handed him a Frito,” he said.

  He looked disturbed. “She said a bad word. We have it on video.”

  Lennie raised his hand. “My grandmo
ther doesn’t even like the forest,” he said. “Last year, we took her camping, and she got her foot stuck in a pork-and-beans can.”

  He covered his face very embarrassed.

  “She said she was trying to make camp slippers.”

  After that, all the other children started telling terrible nature stories, too.

  Shirley hung down her head and went back to her seat.

  I leaned over and patted her.

  “Don’t feel bad, Shirley,” I said. “Being thankful is just harder than we thought.”

  “Sí,” said José.

  He held up his Thankful Bag. “I brought in our TV remote. But now that seems estúpido,” he said.

  He looked over at Roger. “I wish I had forgotten mine, like you did, Rog,” he said.

  Roger squirmed in his chair. “Well, um … I didn’t really forget mine, José,” he said. “I brought in a can of whipped cream. But I squirted it in my mouth before school started.”

  José smiled. “Who wouldn’t?” he said.

  Just then, we heard feet in the hall.

  “Shh! Shh! Mr. Scary is coming! Mr. Scary is coming!” we whispered to each other.

  Then Room One got speedy quiet.

  And Mr. Scary and Lucille walked right in the door.

  And ha! We did not get caught talking!

  Mr. Scary took Lucille back to her chair.

  She fluffed her shiny hair. And she did a spin.

  “I didn’t even get in trouble,” she said. “All I had to do was put my money in the safe. And I had to promise not to throw dollars at poor people.”

  Mr. Scary frowned his eyebrows.

  “I don’t really think that was our message, Lucille,” he said. “We talked about not bragging. And we said that having money doesn’t make you better than anyone else. Remember that?”

  Lucille fluffed some more.

  “Nope,” she said.

  Then she skipped in a circle. And she twirled herself into her chair.

  Mr. Scary looked at the rest of us. “Boys and girls, I’m sure you all know that diving for money was not a good decision. Correct?” he said.

  “Correct!” we shouted.

  We did not really believe that. But sometimes it is just better to shout correct.

  “Okay, good,” he said. “Then, if all of you promise to behave like ladies and gentlemen, we’ll get on with Show-and-Tell.”

  “We promise! We promise!” we shouted.

  Mr. Scary smiled.

  We relaxed our shoulders.