Junie B. Jones Smells Something Fishy Read online

  “Maybe,” I said. “Or maybe he might be looking for some friends to play with.”

  Just then, I did a gasp.

  “Mother! Mother! I bet that’s it! I bet little Noodle is lonely in there! I bet he’s looking for friends!”

  I zoomed to the closet speedy fast. And I put on my sweater.

  “HOLD ON, LITTLE NOODLE! HOLD ON! HOLD ON! ’CAUSE I CAN HELP YOU WITH THIS PROBLEM, I THINK!”

  After that, I grabbed Noodle’s jar.

  And me and him zoomed outside to the garden again.

  Friends do not come easy.

  First, I tried to catch a butterfly. But it quick flied away.

  Then I tried to catch a grasshopper. But it wouldn’t stand still.

  Also I tried to catch a cricket and a gnat and a lizard. But those guys would not cooperate, either.

  Finally, I sat down in the grass real glum.

  “I am a flop at this job,” I said.

  Only just then, I saw something very wonderful!

  And it’s called three ants were walking in the grass! And they were carrying a cheese puff on their heads!

  My heart got very thumping.

  “NOODLE! HEY, NOODLE! I FOUND FRIENDS! AND THEY’VE BROUGHT A DELICIOUS CHEESE SNACK!”

  After that, I picked up the ants and the cheese puff. And I dropped them right inside the jar.

  And that is not the only good news!

  Because just then, a big, buzzy fly landed right on my sweater sleeve! And I swatted him with the jar lid! And he did not even die that much!

  I put him in the jar, too.

  Then I danced and danced all over my yard.

  Because now Noodle had friends!

  And I had pets for Pet Day!

  And that is called happily ever after!

  6/Sparkle

  I runned into the house very thrilled.

  “Mother! Mother! I found friends for Noodle! I found Buzzy the Swatted Fly! Plus also I found three ants and a cheese puff!”

  Mother looked at the friends.

  “Oh my,” she said kind of soft.

  “I know it, Mother! I know it is oh my! Noodle will love these guys! I know he will!”

  After that, I quick took the jar to my room. And I put it on my bed. And I waited for Noodle to meet his new friends.

  I waited the whole entire afternoon.

  Only Noodle never came out.

  At dinnertime, I walked to the kitchen very slumping.

  “Noodle is still hiding,” I said. “Plus the ants are the cheese puff. And Buzzy the Swatted Fly bit the dust.”

  Mother lifted me into my chair. She put stew on my plate.

  “Yeah, only how can I even eat stew? ’Cause I am depressed, I tell you,” I said.

  Just then, someone opened the front door.

  It was my Grandma Helen Miller.

  She was bringing the ice chest back.

  And guess what?

  There was a giant fish in that thing!

  My eyes popped out of my head!

  “Grandma Miller! Grandma Miller! That fish is almost as big as me!” I said real thrilled.

  Grandma Miller looked proud of herself.

  “It’s called a largemouth bass,” she said. “He’s a beaut, isn’t he?”

  “He is, Grandma! He is a beaut! Look at how shiny his skin is! Let’s name him Sparkle! Want to? Huh, Grandma? Want to name him Sparkle?”

  Grandma Miller laughed.

  “Name him whatever you want, sweetie,” she said. “We’ve got three more in the truck just like him. Come on, everybody.Come see them.”

  That’s how come Mother and Daddy went out to the truck.

  Only not me.

  ’Cause I wanted to stay with Sparkle, that’s why!

  I waved at that guy in the ice water.

  “Hello, Sparkle. How are you today?” I said. “I am fine. Are you fine, too?”

  I patted his head.

  “Want to swim, Sparkle? Huh? Want to swim in the freezy water?”

  After that, I got down on my knees. And I swimmed him all around.

  “I wish you were my fish, Sparkle. If you were my fish, I would take you to school for Show and Tell. And you would be the star of the show.”

  Just then, I got goosebumps on my skin.

  ’Cause that was the bestest idea I ever heard of!

  “Sparkle! Hey, Sparkle! Maybe you can come to Pet Day with me! ’Cause you are way better than my pet jar!”

  After that, I lifted that big guy right out of the water.

  Only too bad for me. ’Cause Sparkle fell on the floor.

  “Oh dear,” I said. “You are a chubby one, Sparkle. And so how will I even get you to school? That’s what I would like to know.”

  Just then, I saw Tickle’s dog leash.

  It was hanging over the chair.

  I danced all around the kitchen.

  “A leash, Sparkle! A leash is the answer to our problem!”

  After that, I quick grabbed the leash. And I put it over Sparkle’s head. And I pulled him all around the floor!

  He slided as easy as pie!

  Just then, the back door opened.

  “JUNIE B. JONES! WHAT IN THE WORLD DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING?”

  It was Mother.

  She was back from the truck, apparently.

  “I think I am sliding Sparkle,” I said kind of nervous. “We are practicing for Pet Day.”

  Mother shook her head real fast.

  “Oh no. No way, missy. You are not taking that fish to Pet Day,” she said.

  “Yes, Mother! Yes way! I have to! I have to take Sparkle! I love this slippery guy! Please, Mother? Please? Please?”

  Mother did some deep breathing.

  Then she sat down next to me. And she made her voice not yell.

  “Okay. I want you to listen to me very closely,” she said. “I know you like this fish. And I know you would like to take him to school for Pet Day. But Pet Day is for live pets, Junie B. And maybe you don’t realize this…but the thing is, honey…Sparkle is dead.“

  I nodded my head.

  “Not a problem,” I said.

  Mother did a frown.

  “Not a problem? What do you mean ‘not a problem’? Of course it’s a problem. You can’t take a dead fish to school.”

  I raised my eyebrows at her.

  “How come? Is it in the rules?” I asked.

  “No. Of course it’s not in the rules,” said Mother.

  I smiled.

  “Good. Then I can take him,” I said.

  After that, Mother stared at me a real long time.

  Then she closed her eyes.

  And she put her head on her place mat.

  And she didn’t eat her stew.

  7/Sneaky Grandma Miller

  Grandma Miller stoled Sparkle!

  She waited till I took my bath.

  Then she sneaked into the kitchen.

  And she took Sparkle home with her!

  I runned all around in a tizzy.

  “SHE STOLED HIM! GRANDMA MILLER STOLED SPARKLE! AND NOBODY EVEN STOPPED THAT WOMAN!”

  Mother said to quiet my voice.

  “Your grandmother did not steal Sparkle, Junie B. She caught him at the lake. That fish was hers, remember?”

  She picked me up and carried me to bed.

  “You’re just going to have to accept this, Junie B.” she said. “You cannot take a dead animal to school for Pet Day. End of story.”

  After that, she kissed me good night on my cheek.

  And guess what?

  I did not kiss back.

  On Monday morning, Grampa Frank Miller babysitted me before school.

  I did not speak to that guy.

  ’Cause he is married to the thief of Sparkle, that’s why.

  I ate my breakfast very silent.

  Grampa Miller looked at my pet jar on the counter.

  “Boy oh boy. Look at those ants, would you?” he said. “They’re always on the go, aren�
��t they?”

  He squinted his eyes at them.

  “What’s that they’re carrying around on their heads?”

  I did a frown.

  Then I thought very careful. ’Cause the cheese puff was already gone. And so what could they be carrying?

  Just then, my eyes got big and wide.

  ’Cause I had a bad feeling about this situation, that’s why.

  I runned to my jar speedy fast.

  “OH NO!” I hollered. “OH NO! OH NO! IT’S BUZZY THE SWATTED FLY!”

  I quick took off the lid.

  “PUT HIM DOWN! YOU PUT HIM DOWN RIGHT NOW! AND I MEAN IT!”

  The ants did not obey me.

  That’s how come I zoomed them out to the grass. And I shaked them right out of my jar.

  “GO HOME ANTS!” I hollered. “YOU GO HOME THIS VERY MINUTE!”

  The ants went home.

  I brushed my hands together very proud.

  ’Cause I saved Buzzy, that’s why.

  After that, I reached in the grass and picked up my jar. Only something did not feel right, exactly.

  I looked inside of it.

  Oh no!

  It was empty!

  All of the dirt was gone!

  And Noodle was gone, too!

  “NOODLE!” I shouted. “NOODLE! NOODLE! WHERE ARE YOU? WHERE ARE YOU?”

  Then I crawled all over in the grass. And I searched and searched and searched.

  But I never saw Noodle again.

  8/A Surprise in the Freezer!

  I cried on my bed for a real long time.

  “Pet Day is ruined! It’s ruined! It’s ruined! It’s ruined!”

  Grampa Miller looked all over the house for pictures of Tickle.

  He taped some on cardboard. And brought them to my room.

  “Look,” he said. “This doesn’t look too bad, does it?”

  I raised my sagging head off the pillow.

  Then I looked at the pictures. And I patted him real gentle.

  “You did your best, old man,” I said very soft.

  Grampa Miller rolled his eyes up at the ceiling. I looked up there, too. But I didn’t see anything.

  After that, I got out of bed. And I dressed myself for school. And I walked to the kitchen very slumping.

  Grampa Miller made me a turkey sandwich.

  “What do you want to drink?” he asked.

  I did a sad sigh.

  “Orange juice, please,” I said.

  Grampa Miller opened the refrigerator.

  “Hmm…orange juice, orange juice…I don’t see any orange juice,” he said.

  I went over and helped him look.

  We couldn’t find the orange juice anywhere. Not even in the freezer.

  Just then, my grampa moved the frozen vegetables.

  And guess what?

  My heart almost stopped breathing!

  ’Cause I couldn’t believe my eyeballs, that’s why!

  “GRAMPA MILLER! GRAMPA MILLER! DO YOU SEE WHAT I SEE? DO YOU, HUH? DO YOU? DO YOU?”

  Grampa Miller looked closer.

  “Well, I don’t see any orange juice. That’s for sure,” he said.

  I danced all around the room.

  “NO, GRAMPA! NOT ORANGE JUICE! A PET! I SEE A PET FOR PET DAY! SEE IT, GRAMPA? SEE IT IN THERE?”

  Then I clapped my hands real joyful!

  And I skipped to the freezer!

  And I grabbed it right off the shelf!

  9/My Proudest Honor

  Pet Day in Room Nine was very exciting!

  There were cages with furry animals. And bowls with fish. Plus also there was a snake. And a hermit crab. And a rooster.

  “That rooster is mine,” said that meanie Jim I hate. “He will peck your head off if I tell him to. He will peck it right into a nub.”

  I made a sick face. ’Cause a nub does not sound pleasant.

  Just then, Lucille skipped over to me.

  “Look, Junie B.! Look at my darling riding outfit! See my darling riding hat? And see my darling riding pants? And look, Junie B.! Here’s a picture of my darling pony! And look at my darling riding boots! They are genuine rawhide cowhide!”

  I smiled very admiring.

  “You are a beaut, Lucille,” I said.

  Grace pulled on my arm.

  “Junie B.! Junie B.! Come see Slicky! He’s my goldfish, remember? I bought him a brand-new bowl! Come see it! Come see it!”

  Just then, my teacher clapped her loud hands together.

  “Boys and girls! Everyone needs to sit down right now! What an exciting day we’re going to have in Room Nine today!”

  We hurried up and sat.

  Mrs. pointed to the pet table in the back of the room.

  “Who would like to go first?” she asked. “Who would like to introduce us to their pet?”

  “ME!” I shouted. “ME! ME! ME!”

  Then I springed right out of my seat.

  But Mrs. said sit down to me. And she called on Crybaby William. ’Cause that guy never springs, that’s why.

  William went to the pet table.

  He pointed to his bullfrog named Wendell.

  “I just got him on Saturday,” said William very shy.

  Mrs. smiled.

  “Well, he certainly is a handsome bullfrog,” she said. “Would you like to take Wendell out of his tank for us, William? Would you like to show the children how to hold a bullfrog?”

  Then William’s face got whitish and sickish. And he started sweating a real lot.

  That’s how come Mrs. had to put a wet towel on his head. And she said he didn’t have to hold Wendell.

  Charlotte went next.

  She showed us her bunny named Slippers.

  She carried him all around the room. And she let us pet his head.

  Slippers smelled like stinky feet.

  After Charlotte came Paulie Allen Puffer.

  He showed us his parrot named Pirate Pete. Only too bad for Pirate Pete. ’Cause he kept on saying a bad word. And he wouldn’t even stop. And so Mrs. had to send Pirate Pete to the office.

  After that, lots of children showed pictures of their dogs and cats.

  Plus Jamal Hall showed us his lizard named Gizzard.

  And a boy named Ham showed us his hamster named Elvis.

  Finally, I raised my hand real calm.

  “It’s nice to see you being so polite, Junie B. Would you like to go next?” Mrs. asked. “Did you bring a picture of your dog?”

  I shook my head. “No,” I said. “’Cause I didn’t want to bring a picture, remember? I wanted to bring a real actual pet. Only too bad for me. ’Cause Mother said no raccoon. And then my Grandma Helen Miller stoled Sparkle. Plus also I lost my Noodle. And then we couldn’t find the orange juice. And so that’s how come my grampa moved the frozen vegetables. And boom! I saw a pet in there! So I put him in my backpack! And here he is now!”

  After that, I quick unzipped my zipper pocket. And I held up my pet for everyone to see.

  “FISH STICK!” I said real delighted. “I NAMED HIM FISH STICK BECAUSE HE’S A FISH STICK, OF COURSE!”

  Room Nine stared and stared.

  Then all of a sudden, everyone laughed at once.

  “YOU GOONIE BIRD!” yelled that meanie Jim. “Fish sticks aren’t pets! Fish sticks are dinner!”

  I felt very shrinking inside.

  “But…but fish sticks have to be pets. Right, Mrs.? Right?” I asked. “’Cause fish sticks are fish. Aren’t they? And fish are pets. Right?”

  Mrs. was hiding behind her hands. She peeked at me between her fingers.

  “Um…yes. Sure. Of course fish are pets,” she said.

  I felt a teeny bit better.

  “So then fish sticks can be pets, too. Right?” I said.

  Mrs. hided a little while longer.

  Then finally, she took a big breath. And she got up from her desk.

  “Well, let’s see. Maybe we should see what the dictionary has to say about this,” she said.


  After that, she took out her dictionary. And she looked up the word pet.

  She read us what it said.

  “Pet,” she said. “Any tamed animal that is kept as a companion.”

  “Okay,” she said. “Now that we have the definition, let’s see if Fish Stick fits the bill.”

  She looked at me.

  “Junie B., is Fish Stick tame? Or is he wild?”

  “Tame,” I said. “Fish Stick is very, very tame. He won’t even peck your head into a nub.”

  “Okay, good,” said Mrs. “And would you say that Fish Stick is a good companion, Junie B.? Can you take him lots of places? And does he behave himself pretty well?”

  “Yes,” I said. “Fish Stick can even go more places than my dog, probably. ’Cause I can put Fish Stick right in my backpack. And he doesn’t even say a peep!”

  Mrs. smiled real happy.

  Then she walked to my table. And she shaked my hand.

  “Well, then, congratulations,” she said. “According to the dictionary, Fish Stick is definitely a pet.”

  After that, she took Fish Stick out of my hand. And she carried him to the pet table.

  And guess what? She put him right next to Slicky!

  “Grace! Hey, Grace! Now our fishes can be friends just like us!” I said real delighted.

  Just then, I heard a croaking noise.

  It came from Wendell the bullfrog, I think.

  Then Wendell croaked even louder!

  And that made Slicky the goldfish jump in his water!

  And that made the rooster cock-a-doodle-doo!

  And that made Slippers thump his loud foot!

  And then his cage door accidentally came open. And he hopped right off the table!

  “OH NO!” yelled Room Nine. “OH NO! OH NO!”

  And then all of us chased Slippers all over the place. And he hopped and hopped until Mrs. caught him in the trash can.

  It was the excitingest adventure Room Nine ever even had!

  And that’s not even the bestest part of Pet Day!

  ’Cause at the end of school, Mrs. gave out special ribbons to all the pets.

  And the rooster got SCREECHIEST!

  And Pirate Pete got TALKIEST!

  And Slicky got BUBBLIEST!

  And Slippers got MOST RASCALLY RABBIT!

  And Fish Stick got MOST WELL-BEHAVED!!!!

  I did a gasp at that wonderful thing.